Rem and I were married for aproximately fifteen minutes before I was begging him for a baby. I was twenty years old and wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I had always LOVED babies and little kids and dreamed of the day when I could have one of my own. I had visions in my head of dressing my sweet baby in tiny outfits and rocking him or her all day long. I couldn't wait for the sweet smiles and baby babbles. I was in serious la la land over my dream baby. I wanted this baby so badly. SO SO badly. But, in all my pre-motherhood ignorance, all I envisioned was how this child could benefit MY life.
We had been married for six months when we found out we were expecting our sweet Gavin. I was OVER THE MOON. I had an uncomplicated, easy pregnancy and was sailing into motherhood on high hopes. Still living in la la land, visions of my precious easy-to-care-for baby filled my mind. I literally had no idea what was coming. Honestly, no one can really prepare you for what it's like to have your world rocked by someone who is dependent on you for every single need. Someone who cares little about what they can offer you. Someone who will require every ounce of mental and physical strength you have to offer. Even the easiest babies require a LOT of attention. And before children, there just isn't much that compares with the amount of time and energy that they require. I was used to doing everything on my own time schedule and doing only things that benefited me, or worked well for me, or made me happy. Even being married, we pretty much did what we wanted, when we wanted, with little thought of having to be interrupted. We wanted to go out to eat on a Friday night, so we did it. We wanted to sleep until ten a.m. on Saturday morning, so we did. We wanted to veg out on the couch all evening after Rem got out of school and I was home from work, so we sat on the couch all night and watched Deal or No Deal for hours on end. And then we had a baby.......
From the beginning, Gav wasn't an "easy" baby. We had major struggles for about the first six weeks with learning how to breastfeed. I was in pain, so much pain, because he wouldn't latch correctly. So every single time it was time to feed him, I was in tears and in pain. It was a super stressful time for both Rem and me. We were trying to get used to being woken up every hour and a half during the night and learning how to manage the interruptions that a new baby brings to life. I remember one evening, when Gavin was probably eight weeks old, we decided to go out to eat for the first time. We had just been served our food when Gav started fussing and wanted to nurse. I wasn't very good at nursing without my boppy pillow and I didn't know how to manage everything and keep him under the nursing cover. So I told Rem to box up our food and we'd just have to eat at home. Gavin was SCREAMING and we were in a small space and everyone was staring at us (at least it felt like it!) as we quickly packed up and headed home. Little did I know that this wouldn't be the last time we would have a screaming child in a restaurant (it's happened about 189 times since then). Gavin would also get super fussy in the evenings and we would have to bounce him and shush him for hours on end. It was super wearing on us both. And to top it off, he didn't sleep well either. So, here I was, just wanting some quiet and some sleep and my picture perfect dream baby wasn't delivering on what I wanted. In fact, he was giving me exactly what I DID NOT want. I wanted this to be easy. I just wanted him to nurse well, and sleep well, and not be fussy every single night. I don't think any new mom would admit it, but we all have this selfish nature that just wants this sweet baby to love without all the hard work and interruptions and annoyances that a new baby (children in general) comes with. I was not prepared to see my selfish nature come to the surface in such a raw way every single day. And sometimes, I think that's a big part of this calling of motherhood.
Now, in no way, was I completely miserable in my new role as "momma." I LOVE(ed) being a mom. It truly is my greatest calling and without a doubt, the role I am happiest fulfilling. This being said, I still struggled to find joy in the hard moments of no sleep, and later in the tantrum toddler years, and then finding balance every time we added a new little person to our family. Basically, every time something wasn't "comfortable," the ugly sin of selfishness would rear it's head. Any time I had to serve, and not be served, I complained and whined and felt miserable. It was especially bad when Gavin was a toddler and Owen was a baby. I was overwhelmed with learning how to balance all the responsibilities of the home, being a wife, and taking care of the needs of two little people. Toddlers are demanding, and Gavin was about as strong-willed as they come. Owen was a pretty laid back little guy so that really did help, but I was still constantly feeling overwhelmed. Rem would come home from work, probably once a week or more, and I would be about to lose it. I knew that there was no other place that I would rather be than here at home, raising my boys, so why was I so stinking miserable most days? Why was there little joy and such an anxious burdened heart? Why did I love being a mom and hate the responsibilities that came with it at the exact same time?
The cause was selfishness. No easy way around it. I wanted all the "good" with none of the "bad." I wanted to play blocks and cars on the floor with the boys, but I didn't want the responsibility of cleaning them up. I wanted to enjoy the evening out at the restaurant, but I didn't want to deal with the unruly toddler and crying baby. I wanted to sit and listen to the sermon during church, not attend to my child who didn't want to sit and listen. I wanted all the rewards without any of the work.
I think we all have a little bit of this mentally. We live in an "instant gratification" society. We can have brand new anything with the click of a mouse and it will be sitting on our front porch in two days. We can be served a beautiful meal without ever having to put any effort into the cooking. We can pay someone to come clean our house or mow our lawn, and we have all the results with little to no work done on our part. If we have enough money, we can buy products or services that offer us a short cut to many of the unpleasant responsibilities of daily life. We are accustomed to being "comfortable" and often take the path of least resistance. Why? Because it's easy, duh!! It really is no fun to have to go through situations that are unpleasant. Situations where our comfort doesn't come first. Situations where we have to serve instead of being served. We want the pleasant end results without any of the hard work it takes to get there. And when we have to put in the hard work, we usually grumble about how miserable it is and how we wish we didn't have to be wasting our time doing this right now. That's where I was in motherhood. I wasn't prepared for how much of myself would have to be poured out, on a daily basis, for the good of my children. I wasn't prepared to sacrifice the things that I wanted and the ability to do things when and how I wanted. I wasn't prepared to give and give and do and do, just to have everything undone four seconds later by a toddler tornado. I wanted to do something once and have that be it. One round of dishes that day, not a never ending sink. One time of clean up, not once every hour. One bedtime routine, not up and down twenty-four times. I wanted the easy way out. And so, to me, there was little joy to be found in the mundane, unglamorous lifestyle of a stay at home mom, who had to give and give and give. I was happy that I was at home and was the one with my kids twenty-four seven, but I was missing the bigger picture. I was trying to base my joy off of my circumstances, and pretty much any mom can attest that when we try to find joy in doing dishes and laundry, cleaning up toys for the three hundred and seventy-fifth time, and our four year olds attitude, it's like searching for a needle in a haystack. It's going to be pretty darn hard to find. Those mundane, sometimes annoying (hello tantrums), moments aren't exactly packed full of what we think of as "joyful." How can we "consider it a great joy" (James 1:2) when we haven't had a full nights sleep to begin with and we meet the day with the demands of "FEED ME!" "CHANGE ME!" "GIVE ME ALL OF YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOU!!," and those demands don't stop until our sweet babes heads hit the pillow (and then quite honestly, its not even a given that the demands stop. There are middle of the night feedings, sick children, toddlers who want to crawl in mom and dad's bed). There is the never ending giving of self when we sign up to be momma's. And just because we love it doesn't mean it always manifests itself as joy in our hearts.
I would read posts of "being in the trenches of motherhood," and that someday it would get better. I would read posts of other mother's who were screaming "THIS IS HARD. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" Articles would poke fun of the "tiny dictators" in our homes and how we're all just being held together by that glass of wine once the kids were in bed. And I could relate. Oh, how I could relate. I would giggle and think "yep!", but all those sentiments of "me too/it's just hard" and laughable/relatable posts about Chic-fil-A serving wine in the drive through didn't help me in the everyday battle of not losing my mind while pouring out myself for the sake of another (a lot of others). Why WAS it so hard to not lose it when it was five o'clock and I had multiple children hanging on me/screaming/fighting/dumping legos all over the floor, while I was trying to get a meal on the table (which would be refused by at least one of them)? The answer is really quite simple. Because all I could see was the "hard" and the "here and now." My view of motherhood was clouded by what the world says of parenting and serving and "what's in it for me." Even though I didn't completely understand or acknowledge it at the time, my actions and words reflected how my heart felt about the endless task of motherhood. I treated the responsibilities of my home as a burden, and the fact that I had to lead and discipline my children as a burden. I would have never said that at the time, because I really did feel like I was doing what I was born to do, but my actions and words were contrary to how I felt. Rem would walk in the door and I would instantly start complaining about how "hard the kids were today," and how "the house is just a disaster," and how "I just can't keep up with it all." I would literally unload on him about how awful of a day I had had and after a while, it really started to wear on him. He would tell me that I could "just go out and get a job instead," but that would just make me more angry. I didn't want to do that and knew that wouldn't solve anything. What I was dealing with was a heart issue, not a circumstantial issue. My lack of joy had a lot less to do with how my children were behaving and the state of our home and a lot more to do with how I was viewing my calling of being a mother/wife/homemaker. I WANTED to enjoy being at home and not be at the point of melting down at the end of the day. So........what finally changed? I quit listening to the world and started listening to the WORD.
You would think that because I am married to a youth pastor, that this would have been an absolute no brainer. But, obviously, it wasn't. The ugly truth is that I was neglecting hearing from God's Word, because I was just "too busy." Or I would read something here and there, but everything else that was filling my mind was just too much to compete with the Truth. The world was saying that "motherhood is hard," and "we're all secretly hiding in the pantry eating Oreos, trying not to go crazy." And while I one hundred percent agree with both of these statements, these statements, in and of themselves, weren't getting me anywhere with my issue of a selfish heart.
I wish I could say that I had a huge revelation that what I was missing was the daily seeking and finding of the transforming truth of the Gospel and how it related to my call as a mother, but it wasn't like that. It actually came through a VERY unlikely source.
Shortly after I had Ellie, I made an Instagram account so that my mom could keep up with photos of the kids (she didn't have Facebook), and I was searching for feeds to follow. I found some homeschool momma's who seemed to have a lot in common with how we do life and started following them. And what I noticed, is that several of them weren't just saying "Motherhood is hard. We're all in the same capsizing boat, trying to get the water out with a sippy cup," and leaving it at that. They WERE saying that, but they were also offering up how to fix the capsizing boat once and for all with the TRUTH OF THE GOSPEL. They made it clear that we, as mothers, aren't in that boat alone, trying to keep it afloat without drowning. That we were so busy trying to rid the boat of water with our tiny little cup, and getting no where, panicking that we were trying and trying and trying get the water out but no matter how hard we were trying, our little cup wasn't enough to stop the boat from going under. I was "little cupping" it for a LONG time. I knew about Jesus. I had ever since I could remember. So why was it so hard for me to grasp the fact that with one swift move, he could clear the boat of water and patch it up so that I would never be drowning again? Probably because I've always been an "I can do it by myself" person. If I want something done right, I do it myself. I have a strong will and when I make decisions, they are usually made, no wavering. And while that strong will has served me well in a few areas, trying to "do it myself" when it came to motherhood, did NOT serve me well. I was drowning. Drowning in the everyday life of serving small people and getting nothing in return. It's almost hard for me to find the words to describe it because while I have always loved being a mom, I haven't always loved the giving up of myself that comes along with it.
And this is where the good news of the Gospel comes in. Focusing on the truth of what this calling entails has given it greater meaning than I was ever led to believe. It has given me back a heart of joy in the midst of piles of laundry, and sibling fights, and sleepless nights, and the utter exhaustion of being needed and needed and needed. I'm more able to understand that this "refiners fire" of motherhood is sanctifying. That I was never meant to grow through ease and without work. I think the big picture story of motherhood is that, if we allow, it will shape our hearts for Jesus and teach us how to live for Him. We can either fight the uphill battle alone, lacking love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control , or walk the uphill battle with Him right beside us, equipping us with all of His tools for the task at hand. It's going to be an uphill battle either way we choose, so we would be smart to choose some help! Because of the fall of man, motherhood will be a battle. Because of the fall, it won't be easy. WE ARE SHAPING SOULS FOR ETERNITY. That isn't exactly something that screams "this will be easy and super enjoyable all hours of the day!" And at the same time, what more significant calling could we have placed on our lives? It may not always be easy, but we are promised that if we remain in Him, laying down our lives for the sake of His name, he will supply all we need. And trust me, I NEED all He has to offer in this calling of motherhood. Because I can't do it in my own power. I tried for too long, and it just didn't work. I was tired, worn to the bone, upset, overwhelmed, easily angered, lacking joy, daily burdened by the giving of myself, and just all around not a very happy hearted momma. Of course, there were many moments of joy and laughter and fun, but the second my kids began to melt down or fight, or I had to go out of my way to serve or my house was a disaster twenty minutes after I had cleaned it, my words and actions were anything but kind, patient, graceful, loving, etc. All I saw was the "burden" and not what my heart could be learning through it. I was viewing motherhood through my own selfish lens and wasn't looking for how I could be changed through the fire. The Bible often speaks of going through the "refiners fire" and being made pure like precious metals. Gold and silver must be fired and heated to be made pure and beautiful. Clay pottery must be put in a fiery kiln to become it's most beautiful. And we, as mothers, should expect nothing different than to be put through our "refiners fire." God uses this journey of motherhood to mold us and shape us more into His perfect image. Will we be able to see the "fires" in motherhood as something that will make us more beautiful, in His image? Or will we choose to only see the "fires" as miserable and producing nothing for our good and His glory? I'm sure if gold and silver and clay could talk, they wouldn't say that being heated in the scalding fire is the most enjoyable experience ever and that taking the heat was unbearable at times, but after the firing process, the beauty that remains was worth the uncomfortable firing process. I think thats a lot like our roles at mothers. Sometimes it isn't easy and we become overwhelmed with the immensity of it all. We take our eyes off the end result of beauty and all we feel is the fire. What if we mothered every single day with the beautiful end result in mind? Would it make serving selflessly and joyfully easier? Would we be more equipped to deal with situations that are less than pleasant with a gracious heart? Could we stand the "heat of the fire" better? I know that I am finding that the answer to all of those questions is undoubtedly "YES!"
I won't be sharing "Ten Easy Steps To Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night," or "The Simplest Way To Always Have A Tidy Home." Because, although, those things are great, that isn't where our true hope and joy comes from. I want to share how viewing our roles as wives and mothers through an eternal lens, can impact our homes, attitude of our hearts, and actions for the glory of God. I want us to not view the "refiners fire" of motherhood as "burdensome," but see the beauty that can come when we withstand the flames with grace, hope, and joy, and how the fire refines us to be made more in the image of Christ! I will be going much more in depth about how this plays out in everyday life, so keep a look out for future posts! Thanks for joining me on the journey of seeking to be sanctified through motherhood and marriage!
We had been married for six months when we found out we were expecting our sweet Gavin. I was OVER THE MOON. I had an uncomplicated, easy pregnancy and was sailing into motherhood on high hopes. Still living in la la land, visions of my precious easy-to-care-for baby filled my mind. I literally had no idea what was coming. Honestly, no one can really prepare you for what it's like to have your world rocked by someone who is dependent on you for every single need. Someone who cares little about what they can offer you. Someone who will require every ounce of mental and physical strength you have to offer. Even the easiest babies require a LOT of attention. And before children, there just isn't much that compares with the amount of time and energy that they require. I was used to doing everything on my own time schedule and doing only things that benefited me, or worked well for me, or made me happy. Even being married, we pretty much did what we wanted, when we wanted, with little thought of having to be interrupted. We wanted to go out to eat on a Friday night, so we did it. We wanted to sleep until ten a.m. on Saturday morning, so we did. We wanted to veg out on the couch all evening after Rem got out of school and I was home from work, so we sat on the couch all night and watched Deal or No Deal for hours on end. And then we had a baby.......
From the beginning, Gav wasn't an "easy" baby. We had major struggles for about the first six weeks with learning how to breastfeed. I was in pain, so much pain, because he wouldn't latch correctly. So every single time it was time to feed him, I was in tears and in pain. It was a super stressful time for both Rem and me. We were trying to get used to being woken up every hour and a half during the night and learning how to manage the interruptions that a new baby brings to life. I remember one evening, when Gavin was probably eight weeks old, we decided to go out to eat for the first time. We had just been served our food when Gav started fussing and wanted to nurse. I wasn't very good at nursing without my boppy pillow and I didn't know how to manage everything and keep him under the nursing cover. So I told Rem to box up our food and we'd just have to eat at home. Gavin was SCREAMING and we were in a small space and everyone was staring at us (at least it felt like it!) as we quickly packed up and headed home. Little did I know that this wouldn't be the last time we would have a screaming child in a restaurant (it's happened about 189 times since then). Gavin would also get super fussy in the evenings and we would have to bounce him and shush him for hours on end. It was super wearing on us both. And to top it off, he didn't sleep well either. So, here I was, just wanting some quiet and some sleep and my picture perfect dream baby wasn't delivering on what I wanted. In fact, he was giving me exactly what I DID NOT want. I wanted this to be easy. I just wanted him to nurse well, and sleep well, and not be fussy every single night. I don't think any new mom would admit it, but we all have this selfish nature that just wants this sweet baby to love without all the hard work and interruptions and annoyances that a new baby (children in general) comes with. I was not prepared to see my selfish nature come to the surface in such a raw way every single day. And sometimes, I think that's a big part of this calling of motherhood.
Now, in no way, was I completely miserable in my new role as "momma." I LOVE(ed) being a mom. It truly is my greatest calling and without a doubt, the role I am happiest fulfilling. This being said, I still struggled to find joy in the hard moments of no sleep, and later in the tantrum toddler years, and then finding balance every time we added a new little person to our family. Basically, every time something wasn't "comfortable," the ugly sin of selfishness would rear it's head. Any time I had to serve, and not be served, I complained and whined and felt miserable. It was especially bad when Gavin was a toddler and Owen was a baby. I was overwhelmed with learning how to balance all the responsibilities of the home, being a wife, and taking care of the needs of two little people. Toddlers are demanding, and Gavin was about as strong-willed as they come. Owen was a pretty laid back little guy so that really did help, but I was still constantly feeling overwhelmed. Rem would come home from work, probably once a week or more, and I would be about to lose it. I knew that there was no other place that I would rather be than here at home, raising my boys, so why was I so stinking miserable most days? Why was there little joy and such an anxious burdened heart? Why did I love being a mom and hate the responsibilities that came with it at the exact same time?
The cause was selfishness. No easy way around it. I wanted all the "good" with none of the "bad." I wanted to play blocks and cars on the floor with the boys, but I didn't want the responsibility of cleaning them up. I wanted to enjoy the evening out at the restaurant, but I didn't want to deal with the unruly toddler and crying baby. I wanted to sit and listen to the sermon during church, not attend to my child who didn't want to sit and listen. I wanted all the rewards without any of the work.
I think we all have a little bit of this mentally. We live in an "instant gratification" society. We can have brand new anything with the click of a mouse and it will be sitting on our front porch in two days. We can be served a beautiful meal without ever having to put any effort into the cooking. We can pay someone to come clean our house or mow our lawn, and we have all the results with little to no work done on our part. If we have enough money, we can buy products or services that offer us a short cut to many of the unpleasant responsibilities of daily life. We are accustomed to being "comfortable" and often take the path of least resistance. Why? Because it's easy, duh!! It really is no fun to have to go through situations that are unpleasant. Situations where our comfort doesn't come first. Situations where we have to serve instead of being served. We want the pleasant end results without any of the hard work it takes to get there. And when we have to put in the hard work, we usually grumble about how miserable it is and how we wish we didn't have to be wasting our time doing this right now. That's where I was in motherhood. I wasn't prepared for how much of myself would have to be poured out, on a daily basis, for the good of my children. I wasn't prepared to sacrifice the things that I wanted and the ability to do things when and how I wanted. I wasn't prepared to give and give and do and do, just to have everything undone four seconds later by a toddler tornado. I wanted to do something once and have that be it. One round of dishes that day, not a never ending sink. One time of clean up, not once every hour. One bedtime routine, not up and down twenty-four times. I wanted the easy way out. And so, to me, there was little joy to be found in the mundane, unglamorous lifestyle of a stay at home mom, who had to give and give and give. I was happy that I was at home and was the one with my kids twenty-four seven, but I was missing the bigger picture. I was trying to base my joy off of my circumstances, and pretty much any mom can attest that when we try to find joy in doing dishes and laundry, cleaning up toys for the three hundred and seventy-fifth time, and our four year olds attitude, it's like searching for a needle in a haystack. It's going to be pretty darn hard to find. Those mundane, sometimes annoying (hello tantrums), moments aren't exactly packed full of what we think of as "joyful." How can we "consider it a great joy" (James 1:2) when we haven't had a full nights sleep to begin with and we meet the day with the demands of "FEED ME!" "CHANGE ME!" "GIVE ME ALL OF YOU BECAUSE I NEED YOU!!," and those demands don't stop until our sweet babes heads hit the pillow (and then quite honestly, its not even a given that the demands stop. There are middle of the night feedings, sick children, toddlers who want to crawl in mom and dad's bed). There is the never ending giving of self when we sign up to be momma's. And just because we love it doesn't mean it always manifests itself as joy in our hearts.
I would read posts of "being in the trenches of motherhood," and that someday it would get better. I would read posts of other mother's who were screaming "THIS IS HARD. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" Articles would poke fun of the "tiny dictators" in our homes and how we're all just being held together by that glass of wine once the kids were in bed. And I could relate. Oh, how I could relate. I would giggle and think "yep!", but all those sentiments of "me too/it's just hard" and laughable/relatable posts about Chic-fil-A serving wine in the drive through didn't help me in the everyday battle of not losing my mind while pouring out myself for the sake of another (a lot of others). Why WAS it so hard to not lose it when it was five o'clock and I had multiple children hanging on me/screaming/fighting/dumping legos all over the floor, while I was trying to get a meal on the table (which would be refused by at least one of them)? The answer is really quite simple. Because all I could see was the "hard" and the "here and now." My view of motherhood was clouded by what the world says of parenting and serving and "what's in it for me." Even though I didn't completely understand or acknowledge it at the time, my actions and words reflected how my heart felt about the endless task of motherhood. I treated the responsibilities of my home as a burden, and the fact that I had to lead and discipline my children as a burden. I would have never said that at the time, because I really did feel like I was doing what I was born to do, but my actions and words were contrary to how I felt. Rem would walk in the door and I would instantly start complaining about how "hard the kids were today," and how "the house is just a disaster," and how "I just can't keep up with it all." I would literally unload on him about how awful of a day I had had and after a while, it really started to wear on him. He would tell me that I could "just go out and get a job instead," but that would just make me more angry. I didn't want to do that and knew that wouldn't solve anything. What I was dealing with was a heart issue, not a circumstantial issue. My lack of joy had a lot less to do with how my children were behaving and the state of our home and a lot more to do with how I was viewing my calling of being a mother/wife/homemaker. I WANTED to enjoy being at home and not be at the point of melting down at the end of the day. So........what finally changed? I quit listening to the world and started listening to the WORD.
You would think that because I am married to a youth pastor, that this would have been an absolute no brainer. But, obviously, it wasn't. The ugly truth is that I was neglecting hearing from God's Word, because I was just "too busy." Or I would read something here and there, but everything else that was filling my mind was just too much to compete with the Truth. The world was saying that "motherhood is hard," and "we're all secretly hiding in the pantry eating Oreos, trying not to go crazy." And while I one hundred percent agree with both of these statements, these statements, in and of themselves, weren't getting me anywhere with my issue of a selfish heart.
I wish I could say that I had a huge revelation that what I was missing was the daily seeking and finding of the transforming truth of the Gospel and how it related to my call as a mother, but it wasn't like that. It actually came through a VERY unlikely source.
Shortly after I had Ellie, I made an Instagram account so that my mom could keep up with photos of the kids (she didn't have Facebook), and I was searching for feeds to follow. I found some homeschool momma's who seemed to have a lot in common with how we do life and started following them. And what I noticed, is that several of them weren't just saying "Motherhood is hard. We're all in the same capsizing boat, trying to get the water out with a sippy cup," and leaving it at that. They WERE saying that, but they were also offering up how to fix the capsizing boat once and for all with the TRUTH OF THE GOSPEL. They made it clear that we, as mothers, aren't in that boat alone, trying to keep it afloat without drowning. That we were so busy trying to rid the boat of water with our tiny little cup, and getting no where, panicking that we were trying and trying and trying get the water out but no matter how hard we were trying, our little cup wasn't enough to stop the boat from going under. I was "little cupping" it for a LONG time. I knew about Jesus. I had ever since I could remember. So why was it so hard for me to grasp the fact that with one swift move, he could clear the boat of water and patch it up so that I would never be drowning again? Probably because I've always been an "I can do it by myself" person. If I want something done right, I do it myself. I have a strong will and when I make decisions, they are usually made, no wavering. And while that strong will has served me well in a few areas, trying to "do it myself" when it came to motherhood, did NOT serve me well. I was drowning. Drowning in the everyday life of serving small people and getting nothing in return. It's almost hard for me to find the words to describe it because while I have always loved being a mom, I haven't always loved the giving up of myself that comes along with it.
And this is where the good news of the Gospel comes in. Focusing on the truth of what this calling entails has given it greater meaning than I was ever led to believe. It has given me back a heart of joy in the midst of piles of laundry, and sibling fights, and sleepless nights, and the utter exhaustion of being needed and needed and needed. I'm more able to understand that this "refiners fire" of motherhood is sanctifying. That I was never meant to grow through ease and without work. I think the big picture story of motherhood is that, if we allow, it will shape our hearts for Jesus and teach us how to live for Him. We can either fight the uphill battle alone, lacking love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control , or walk the uphill battle with Him right beside us, equipping us with all of His tools for the task at hand. It's going to be an uphill battle either way we choose, so we would be smart to choose some help! Because of the fall of man, motherhood will be a battle. Because of the fall, it won't be easy. WE ARE SHAPING SOULS FOR ETERNITY. That isn't exactly something that screams "this will be easy and super enjoyable all hours of the day!" And at the same time, what more significant calling could we have placed on our lives? It may not always be easy, but we are promised that if we remain in Him, laying down our lives for the sake of His name, he will supply all we need. And trust me, I NEED all He has to offer in this calling of motherhood. Because I can't do it in my own power. I tried for too long, and it just didn't work. I was tired, worn to the bone, upset, overwhelmed, easily angered, lacking joy, daily burdened by the giving of myself, and just all around not a very happy hearted momma. Of course, there were many moments of joy and laughter and fun, but the second my kids began to melt down or fight, or I had to go out of my way to serve or my house was a disaster twenty minutes after I had cleaned it, my words and actions were anything but kind, patient, graceful, loving, etc. All I saw was the "burden" and not what my heart could be learning through it. I was viewing motherhood through my own selfish lens and wasn't looking for how I could be changed through the fire. The Bible often speaks of going through the "refiners fire" and being made pure like precious metals. Gold and silver must be fired and heated to be made pure and beautiful. Clay pottery must be put in a fiery kiln to become it's most beautiful. And we, as mothers, should expect nothing different than to be put through our "refiners fire." God uses this journey of motherhood to mold us and shape us more into His perfect image. Will we be able to see the "fires" in motherhood as something that will make us more beautiful, in His image? Or will we choose to only see the "fires" as miserable and producing nothing for our good and His glory? I'm sure if gold and silver and clay could talk, they wouldn't say that being heated in the scalding fire is the most enjoyable experience ever and that taking the heat was unbearable at times, but after the firing process, the beauty that remains was worth the uncomfortable firing process. I think thats a lot like our roles at mothers. Sometimes it isn't easy and we become overwhelmed with the immensity of it all. We take our eyes off the end result of beauty and all we feel is the fire. What if we mothered every single day with the beautiful end result in mind? Would it make serving selflessly and joyfully easier? Would we be more equipped to deal with situations that are less than pleasant with a gracious heart? Could we stand the "heat of the fire" better? I know that I am finding that the answer to all of those questions is undoubtedly "YES!"
I won't be sharing "Ten Easy Steps To Get Your Baby To Sleep Through The Night," or "The Simplest Way To Always Have A Tidy Home." Because, although, those things are great, that isn't where our true hope and joy comes from. I want to share how viewing our roles as wives and mothers through an eternal lens, can impact our homes, attitude of our hearts, and actions for the glory of God. I want us to not view the "refiners fire" of motherhood as "burdensome," but see the beauty that can come when we withstand the flames with grace, hope, and joy, and how the fire refines us to be made more in the image of Christ! I will be going much more in depth about how this plays out in everyday life, so keep a look out for future posts! Thanks for joining me on the journey of seeking to be sanctified through motherhood and marriage!
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